My interest in fashion really began when I started drawing clothing items as a child, but even before then, my personal style sparked through a “not too girly” taste in leopard-print slippers, denim mini-skirts, and embroidered jumpsuits. I refused to wear anything that did not suit my judgement, and confidently wore the clothes that did. With age came the rebellious desire to no longer be influenced by media portrayals of how a young girl ought to dress or parental reproach on my various clothing choices. Finally, my style evolved to one that is personal and reflective of my professional and creative self. Like many, my clothing reflected who I was during different periods of time in my life, and as times changed, my identity changed, and so did my personal style. This journey has been one of no regret, but rather one that is expressive, dynamic and true to self. Hopefully this story is one that you can relate to. If not, I hope you find the courage to discover (or create!) your identity and express it confidently with your own choice of style.
Tomato, Tomato [tuh-may-tow, tuh-maw-tow]; Style, Shmyle
Me with stylish dress and matching pocketbook Me at a school birthday party, with my sweater on my lap (I'm on the right)
All my life, I had gone to private school. So everything I wore was basically chosen for me. It looked like this: plaid overalls, plain button-down shirts, bow-ties, tights, and black shoes. Occasionally came a dark colored sweater for the cold weather and a sweatsuit once a week for gym class. I personally wore that sweater often, most of the school year being during the winter months up north. If you wanted to add style to your look, the most you could do was tote a neat-looking bookbag and lunchbox to match to and from the school building at the beginning and end of the day. Functional but trendy school supplies brightened that day just a little, adding enough personality to encourage a friendly word or two with the person sitting behind you when you turned and handed them your row’s worksheet assignment papers. No bright colored nail polish, no exquisite jewelry, and if your overall was too short none other than the principal would take notice so that you be on the list of students who cared more about making a fashion statement than being Student of the Month. In other words, you’d be in big trouble.
The only opportunity I had to make my very own style choices were on the weekends, when it was time for church, grocery shopping, or a Girl Scout trip to the museum. Seldom I picked out a pair of really nice shoes I wanted to wear to the playground across the street, or I would get a short skirt I really admired on the mannequin in the front kids’ store window at the shopping mall. However, most of the time Mom or Dad had the final say on what I would wear wherever we went. This was not always a bad thing. The brightly embroidered butterflies on my dark purple velvet jumpsuit with pockets would impress me enough to decide that I was a very pretty and admirable cowgirl who went horseback riding near fields of colorful and dainty flowers. On the other hand, the black pocketbook attached to the red and white polka-dot dress made me believe that I was a very important businesswoman just like Mommy, despite all I had to carry around was some peppermint candy or tissue in the event of a runny nose.
It’s About to Get Preppy
Me wearing one of my favorite tops After church, showing off an outfit I picked out for myself
Me rocking it!
I was in Charlotte Russe one day after school when a friend pointed out an all-black t-shirt with bright pink writing and said “I could see you in that,” referring to me. “Really? Why?” I asked. She said, “You seem to like clothes that are girly, but not too girly.” “You’re right,” I responded. “I do like clothes like that.” From then on, I identified my style as “girly, but not too girly.” Before then, I picked out clothes that I liked. However, I made sure that I really liked it. I didn’t buy clothes that were simply “okay.” Rather, I bought clothes that I truly saw myself feeling proud and confident in. To be clear, I was finally in public school, which meant that I got to decide what I wear to school everyday. Plus, I was a teenager, the sensitive and delicate time of deciding your self-identity and where you fit in, so it was even more important to choose what suit me. No longer was I subject to big fancy dresses with sashes at the waist, or worse – over-sized pants that I was expected to “grow into” years later. Neither was I required to wear clothes that made me feel any less than my peers or anyone else. I was almost an adult.
As a pre-teen, I’d read a short American Girl picture and activity book about becoming of age and dealing with issues of body insecurity. It encouraged me to have conversations with my mom about the clothes I do not want to wear because of the way they made me feel. She understood and allowed me to pick out clothes before every new school year that I really liked. I was grateful that she saw how the clothes she’d always chosen for me to wear during my childhood adversely compared to the way the clothes other children wore made them look.
However, my personal insecurities got the best of me one day when I wore a “school-girl” outfit that I’d picked out at Joyce Leslie. I had learned from my American Girl book that fashion can be fun if you don’t care what others think. It was a quote of truth that impacted me and which I’d repeated to myself as I began to choose what to wear to school every day. I’d liked the girly Victorian style button down shirt with long plaid tie and pleated skirt to match. I even paired some nice silver jewelry and black shoes with it. But the way in which some older senior girls had taunted me during my free period in the lunch room as I walked by caused me to be more concerned with fitting in than creating my own sense of style.
Years of ridicule would continue beyond my teen years, causing me to do away with specific clothing items due to how I felt in them. I no longer felt confident in many of the clothes I chose for myself. They gave me reminders of low self-esteem. I decided to give myself a “makeover” and throw out what made me feel lesser-than due to those harmful comments. Luckily, those moments were few and far in between, and I can say that I have been complimented for my style more often than I have been jeered or mocked for one little outfit or top.
Becoming Chic, Artsy, and Refined
One of my most creative pairings Confidently posing in a figure-flattering outfit
I won’t say that I was any bit excited about puberty. Some pre-teen girls look forward to growing older, wearing bras, having their periods, and simply being a member of the “adult club.” For me, it was a mere life occurrence that I could not impede nor speed up. I was supposed to deal with it, and I did. However, one thing that got my attention was my hour-glass shape. One day I looked in the mirror and noticed that my waist appeared smaller than my chest and my hips. At church on Sundays, older women would compliment my figure and the way my dresses would gracefully drape my body. I’d chosen clothing that would make me look neat and polished, and not objectionable or disrespectful. My parents also admired the way I’d grown to dress in a way that suit my style and allowed me to feel confident and comfortable in my own skin wherever I went.
Despite the concern with finding clothes to fit your body shape became popular during my early teens, I never spoke about my shape with a lot of pride or specifically sought clothes that would compliment it. Rather, when shopping, I would go for whatever caught my eye. Sometimes it would be a delicate and patterned A-line dress, other times a classic one-shoulder blouse, and other times a casual tube skirt. If it fit, and I really liked it, I bought it. I soon came to understand that women with hour-glass figures can wear anything, unlike someone who is pear (small on top, big at the bottom) or apple shaped (round all over).
However, one day, I was sparked with a sudden desire to change my wardrobe. It was an emphatic coming of age experience in which I realized that many of the clothing I’d owned were clothes that my parents or other adults in my family wanted me to wear. Even if I’d liked them, they were within certain guidelines regarding what’s appropriate. So that day, I head to the mall alone, and picked out some clothes that I thought would particularly suit my hour-glass figure and petite size. I was also careful to choose good quality clothing, and not necessarily anything that was low-priced. Quality became more of a priority than quantity. As time went on, I continued to collect such clothing pieces that would compliment my taste.
Although I never particularly went for what was trendy like the bodycon dress for example (I never said, “Everyone is wearing it. I’ve got to have it so I can be popular or cool or fit in”), I did eventually begin to choose clothes that were not my style at all. They weren’t totally distasteful in my opinion, but were rather unique, and they allowed me to try something new. I started to experiment with totally different clothing pieces that I did not wear before and which would have been overlooked by me during past shopping experiences. Some were also not common in fashion at all, such as a thick paneled skirt or handmade high-neck halter maxi-dress in floral print. These combined with quality, and an eye for what fit my shape and taste, blended to create the chic, artsy and refined style I have now.
Style is in the Eyes of the Beholder
I still describe my style as “not too girly.” I don’t have much taste in clothing that is feminine. I like to experiment with fashion, whether it be incorporating androgynous or grunge elements, or spotting something new for me. I call that my artsy side. I still believe that fashion can be fun if you don’t care what other people think. On the other hand, being chic is about continuing in the direction of maturity, saying that I now know who I am and am proud of my identity. It is also about prioritizing professionalism in my daily life.
As time goes on, I see more and more of an emphasis on minimalism. Things like a capsule wardrobe, how to organize your closet, and shopping more intentionally has become more important. It’s about having just enough to meet your needs and not a whole lot more. It’s about making the most of what you have and being happy. I have also adopted this attitude and would encourage others to do the same. We are all at different stages in life and have our own personal identities that enable us to make certain style choices that suit us as individuals. And as we get older, these identities and fashion choices change. I’d say it’s helpful to know how to keep adjusting without feeling the need to splurge with every new fashion trend. I’d also like to emphasize the significance of quality over quantity and buying what you really like (as opposed to buying because of a sale or store promotion, or “everyone has it”). Meanwhile, experimentation with something new such as newly seeking what suits our shape or our skin tone, or deliberately picking clothes we’ve never worn before, adds spark to our lives and shouldn’t be avoided.
In Conclusion
Personal style and self-discovery go hand in hand. I went from caring very little about what I wore during my childhood, to using fashion to uphold my own identity as an adult. Regardless of where I was in my journey, choosing what to wear was an enjoyable form of self-expression and confidence-building. Whether you are long past trying to discover your personal style identity or are in the process of creating a new one, I want to hear from you. How do you express yourself through fashion? Let me know in the comments.
